The people selling fake vaccination records online are ravenous for my attention. The Telegram channels ping me at all hours of the day with emoji-laden reminders to deal only with verified sellers, copy-and-pasted passages from anti-vax e-books describing infertility, pulmonary issues, and neurological degeneration. “THE ONLY WAY FOR YOU TO BE FREE IS STAYING AWAY FROM THE VACCINE AND GETTING A LEGIT COVID-19 CARD,” warns one seller who says they can ship me a “verified” card for $250, which could be paid in crypto, of course. This person refers to themselves as “Dr. Will.” A lot of the sellers use the honorarium, as if it could possibly translate into a better piece of card stock filled with more convincing script. The proprietors of Instagram accounts that appear and disappear every eight hours or so have the cadence of teenagers, and about the same level of patience. “Hey wb the cards” writes the person behind an account called Vaccination Card Covid when I stop responding to emails, and then, a day later, just: “Hey.”