From every angle, and through every psychic hole, the wellness industry continually finds new ways to re-insert itself into the private lives of individuals. To achieve its aim, it hides inside the discursive Trojan Condom of ‘personal satisfaction’, ‘personal liberation’, or ‘personal safety’—whatever it takes, in essence, to instate a techno-gynecological regime of permanent enjoyment upon its subjects. Wherever we look, Books, Sex Toys, Sex Studies, and Sex Therapists are there to help us both define ever-narrower categories of subcultural trauma and participate in good, healthy, optimized sexuality.